26, June 2006

These days I feel like I’m in some sort of hibernation mode. The older I get, the harder it becomes. I have developed a serious phobia of winter. Not so much the cold, I don’t think, but the lack of daylight. It’s the inactivity that these months of early darkness prescribe. No gardening, no biking, no nothing outside. It drains me and all I want to do is sleep. (Sunday I fell asleep in front of the fireplace and napped for four hours, in the middle of the afternoon, Monday night a12 hours sleep.) It’s seriously as if my body is trying to squeeze in a virtual “hibernation”.

I wake, I walk, I talk but somehow I feel like life in the dark-months all is a daze. Some form of sleep-walking. I stumble through my work, my love, and my happiness. I function during daylight hours ok but once I get home to a darkened house the weight begins to press down. I imagine how a prisoner in isolation must feel. And to the consternation of my beautiful and thankfully (hopefully) forgiving partner…

I have fared better this year than last. Last year was a real low. A true struggle just to get out of bed and a true challenge for Mauzi as well. Lesser women would have left me spinning. Maybe, if faced with dealing with me on a day-to-day basis would have left me as well. Believe me, I had thoughts.

But this year I have made it through the . Past the winter solstice and now I can count one extra minute of daylight per calendar day until the ultimate return of life and happiness, the carefree months of daylight savings!!! Even tonight I was able to squeeze in a run and a half hour in the garden catching up on the weeds that were catching up on me.