The Alternative Aussie Citizanship Test

As some of you know I recently applied for and was accepted to become an Australian citizen. Just this week the government in charge put into place a citizenship "test" to help weed out such undesireables as those who do not know that cricket is the favourit national sport (among other trivial facts that can be memorised in about 5 minutes). 

Fortunately I made it in before the deadline (and I get to vote in the December election)

Here is an alternate test that didn't quite make the government's standards. 

Give it a go and see how "Australian" you might be. 

Matt and Shinichi, this especially applies to you!

Send your answers to jroth777@yahoo.com 

and I'll find someone who can help translate give you a grade.

LANGUAGE
1. Do you understand the meaning, but are unable to explain the origin of, the term "died in the arse"?

2. What is a mole?

3. Are these terms related: chuck a sickie; chuck a spaz; chuck a U-ey?

4. Explain the following passage: "In the arvo last Chrissy the relos rocked up for a barbie, some brevvs and a few snags. After a bit of a Bex and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies, bickies and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block after Dad and Steve had a barney and a bit of biffo."

CUSTOMS
1. Macca, Chooka and Wanger are driving to Surfers in their Torana. If they are travelling at 100 km/h while listening to Barnsey, Farnsey and Acca Dacca, how many slabs will each person on average consume between flashing a brown eye and having a slash?

2. Complete the following sentences: a) "If the van's rockin' don't bother .. b) You're going home in the back of a ... c) Fair suck of the …

3. I’ve had a gutful and I can't be fagged. Discuss

4. Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of a wedgie?

5. Do you have a friend or relative who has a car in their front yard "up on blocks"? Is his name Keith and does he have a wife called Cheryl?

FOOD
1. Does your family regularly eat a dish involving mincemeat, cabbage, curry powder and a packet of chicken noodle soup called either chow mein, chop suey or kai see ming?

2. What are the ingredients in a rissole?

3. Demonstrate the correct procedure for eating a Tim Tam.

4. Do you have an Aunty Myrna who is famous for her tuna mornay and other dishes involving a can of cream of celery soup?

5. In any two-hour period have you ever eaten three-bean salad, a chop and two serves of pav washed down with someone else's beer that has been nicked from a bath full of ice?

6. When you go to a bring- your-own-meat barbie can you eat other people's meat or are you only allowed to eat your own?

7. What purple root vegetable beginning with the letter "b" is required by law to be included in a hamburger with the lot?

CULTURE
1. Do you own or have you ever owned a lawn mower, a pair of thongs, an Esky or Ugg boots?

2. Is it possible to "prang a car" while doing "circle work"?

3. Who would you like to crack on to?

4. Who is the most Australian: Kevin "Bloody" Wilson, John "True Blue" Williamson, Kylie Minogue or Warnie?

5. Is there someone you are only mates with because they own a trailer or have a pool?

6. Would you love to have a beer with Duncan?

The people to be granted citizenship are the ones who call it a crock and cheat