Designer Baby Clothes

Designer children’s clothes. What the…? Now here is once concept I will never understand.


Think about it. Why on earth would anyone pay top dollar for a couple of pieces of finely cut cloth only to it drag it around the place all day like some chic waste sack, slowly filling up with spit, piss and shit?

No way!

But really, isn’t that what children’s clothes are really for?

And what does the kid think anyway? “Hey, I’m two and don’t I look cool as shit. At this rate I’ll be a king by the time I’m 20.” No wonder so many teens are going under the knife before the age of consent these days.

Hell no. These kids are thinking, “God this stiff little corduroy jacket over this cashmere cardigan, constricting this polo shirt (with upturned collar, of course) is truly giving me the shits. If I fall I’ll suffocate for sure! Oh man, I wish I was naked.”

Yes! Nakedness, that’s all toddlers really want.

We all know it’s mummy that really gets off on this stuff. How else does one keep up with the Jones’ at the weekly mommy’s group/walk around the botanic gardens/four glass of wine lunch meet up? Well thi,s and that tacky 14-carrot diamond and platinum tennis racket charm bracelet on her wrist.

We’re talking about clothes that are obviously too precious to wear for everyday play and too unique to be seen worn two walks in a row. How uncouth! So onto the wooden hangar and into the walk-in kiddie closet, safely away, awaiting just the right social outing.

The thing is parents, kids grow faster than a Paris runway model quaffs a bottle of vintage Verve. At this rate they’ll outgrow “Mommy’s Little Prince” costume before it’s out of season. And before you can say, “So, mommy, what exactly happened to my trust fund?” they’re out on the curb with yesterday’s paper.

So if you have to slap a covering on the little darlings I say make it used. Yep, go down to the nearest Salvation Army store for those kiddie togs. They’re tried, tested and generally evolutionarily bacteria resistant.

And if you choose your suburbs carefully, you may just find a nice little pair of Italian-made denim jeans, size two. Worn once…to mummy’s group!